1. Define who you are. Knowing yourself first is very important. Who are you as a person? What are your interests? Do you want a relationship? Are you available for a relationship or are you still licking your wounds from a bad breakup or having your heart broken? Are you a hopeless romantic, a cynic, or a realist? Answering these questions can get you off to a good start.

2. Focus on taking care of your needs. Make sure to take care of the basics, such as eating, sleeping, exercising, having fun, affection, keeping clean, having healthy friends to socialize with. Taking care of you makes you much desirable to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. Ask yourself what are you looking for in a relationship? What type of person do you most enjoy spending time with? Are you a hopeless romantic? What are some qualities that you are looking for? Do you enjoy talking? Are you more of an activity person, where you like to plan dates? Or, do you like to stay home, play games, or watch TV and a movie?

4. Find out where to meet people. Try joining activities, clubs, and organizations where you can share common interests with people. For example, if you love horses, or horseback riding, find a local place that offers teen trips, etc. Of course, there are other school clubs, such as the school newspaper, that offer opportunities for males and females to participate together. Although the Internet can be fun, it’s not always the safest way to meet people if you are planning to get together in person. Also, don’t give out personal digits such as phone number to a person you don’t know.

5. Try meeting a variety of people and getting to know them before choosing one person to be serious with. This will avoid serial dating, breakups, and drama at school. I would not recommend going out exclusively with the first person who expresses an interest in you, or the first person you are attracted to. If you are more selective to begin with, you are more likely to have a happy and successful relationship.

6. Set Boundaries for sexuality so you can relax, have fun, and avoid bad situations. Focus on what you will or won’t do sexually with your boyfriend or girlfriend once you have established that you are going to go out with them. If you are absolutely certain that you want a purely social relationship, and not sexual, then let the person know that you like to spend time with them, but that you do not want a physical or sexual relationship. If you like someone, but want to let them know that you are not “after them” for sex, then let them know that you really like and respect them, and that you would just like to get to know them as a person. If you want to stick to kissing or hugging, then say that you like to kiss and hug, but that’s all, so you would appreciate the other person respecting that. If you want to go further sexually, then try to be as clear as you can about what you will and won’t do, what you do or don’t like, and what is absolutely out of the question for you. That keeps the guesswork out of things and avoids unwanted advances.

7. Safety is a priority. Try to engage in only those dates or activities that you consider safer. Since you and everyone else are mortal, it is important to take care of your safety so that you can be around to enjoy life! Reckless driving, mindless sexual behavior. Drinking, and drugging are all examples of unsafe behavior. Educate yourself about safety in and out of the bedroom. There are plenty of activities to enjoy without putting yourself at risk. The Planned Parenthood website is a good one for other information and safer sex practices: www.lovecarefully.org

8. Communicate, but let it be a natural flow like a gentle stream, rather than a speeding train. You can talk about safer things first with a new person, such as what types of music and movies you like, what kind of computer you have, the latest MP3 player, or what you like to do for interests. Try not to you’re your life story on a person, or let them dump it on you. Later, once you both decide Communicate what you think about that person, and how you feel, once you know that there is some trust there. If it is hard for you to do in person, write down some thoughts and say them to the person on the phone, or write to them via IM or e-mail. You can also send a card, a letter, or an e-card. 123greetings.com has some great ones.

9. Know what your deal breakers are, and be willing to walk away. Some examples of deal breakers for you may be cheating, beating, drinking, drugging, or criminal activity. If these traits and behaviors are unacceptable to you in yourself and others, then decide to walk away from those people and situations. This may be the hardest thing to do if you like people, and want to be liked, but be sure that you will find new and better friends. You can’t control other people, but only yourself

10. Most of all, be who you are. Find out what really is fun and exciting for you. And go for it! If you find that you are not interested in anything, are confused, or very unhappy (if to you life sucks), you may need some help or guidance. Try to find a school counselor to talk with, or ask your parents to help you find a counselor to talk with. After all, you have the right to be a happy person! Of course, everyone has bad days, and if its just a bad day or a bad week, then do what you can to make things better, and hopefully they will be!

Krista Bloom is a counselor and personal and professional coach who can be reached via e-mail, or at her website HealingCouch.com.

Author: Morgan
Age: 16
City: Howell
State/Prov: MI
Country: United States

OKAY.. So, I'm a junior in High School and I have a problem. I cannot seem to find the courage to talk to certain guys. I really have a thing for this one guy, the problem is, and I’ve never talked to him before.

I don’t mean to seem like a stalker, but I've been watching him. Like, he's everywhere I go. We have a mutual friend and he sits at the table next to mine at lunch. I don’t know what to do, because I KNOW he's the perfect guy for me. So, what should I do? I need to get this boy to notice me, to like me, and I need it now!

Thanks

Author: Brandy
Age: 14 (and a half).
City: Country Angels
State/Prov: Florida
Country: United States

This goes to Ruby from The United Kingdom… Ruby,

I was in the very same boat as u in 6th grade. And I felt exactly as u do.

Just try to convince yourself that you'll find better. I know it is hard and seems impossible, but it’s worth a try.

But whatever u do, DO NOT start cutting yourself or anything like that because I did that, and I cut it so close to my vein, that the doctor said a little bit deeper and I would've died!

I know at this point that doesn’t seem so bad, but trust me.

God has a purpose for you. I don’t know what that purpose is but u have to trust Him.

He has your life already planed out. You just have to trust him w/it.

Why He's putting u through this? I don’t know.

But u still have a long life ahead of u, don’t let this boy ruin that. I know it is hard but I’m telling u: someone else is going to come along and he is going to like you no matter what and his family and your family will love each other. Just try not to worry about it.

Author: Oyinlola
Age: 16
City: New Iberia
State/Prov: Louisiana
Country: United States

I have a serious crush on a boy who doesn't know I have a crush on him. He is presently single.

The problem is that my parents don't want me to start dating because they think I’m too young. There is no way we are going to date and my parents won't know about it.

This is because we attend the same school and church. Another problem is that my mum has advice me not to ask any boy out because it will make me look desperate in front of the boy.

I am madly in love with his boy that I don't want to have any relationship or crush with or on anybody else. I need an urgent advice in order to act fast before he asks another girl out.

Author: Heather
Age: 14
City: Torrance
State/Prov: California
Country: United States

Dating can be really exiting once you start it, but then again it can also be scary as heck.

I think that it is really fun once you get used to it. If you ever end up going to a kissing party and playing something like spin the bottle. You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable because it is your body and you have the right to protect it.

If someone that I didn't even know ever tried to kiss me I would kick their ass. Somebody even might try making a move on you (trying to get you to have sexual intercourse).

Remember that it is your choice, but believe it or not, you are too young if you are under at least 16 yrs. old.

Good luck!

Author: Butterfly Girl
Age: 12 1/2
City: Fayetteville
State/Prov: NC
Country: United States

Hello!

I don't have a boyfriend and it really does not matter anymore. I use to want one really bad but now I change my mind. I'm going to be smart and not going to have a boyfriend. I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

I already had love but I wanted some special attention that only a boy can give a girl. I'm not talking about sex. I just wanted to call up my friends and tell them about my boyfriend, I wanted to go out with him; I just wanted how it feels to be in love.

But one day when it was thundering outside and God told me that I did not need a boyfriend. I felt God's presents on me. He was letting me know that I don't need one. Wait until later. I'm going to obey him and I'm not going to have one right now. I'm happy with just me, myself and I. But I still have a crush on the boy at my school.

He is so cute. I wish I could go out with him. I can't wait until Monday so I can see his cute face. He does not know that I like him. I pray that my friends don't tell him that I like him. That would be embracing!!! I have to admit that I just want to be his girlfriend. He will always be cute!

Author: Morgan
Age: 18
City: Watsontown
State/Prov: PA
Country: United States

I always seem to pick boys that are considered bad boys!

I like them utill they show interest in me -- then I change my mind & only like them as a friend. I seem to like boys that aren't interested in me.

Help!!

Author: Deniqua
Age: 12 and 1/2
City: Fayetteville
State/Prov: NY
Country: United States

My problem is different then most of you you'll are talking about.

My problem is that I want a boyfriend at a young age. I feel left out that I don't have one. All of my friends be talking about their boyfriends -- but I don't. Not too long ago one of my friends asked me who did I like or did I have a boyfriend and I did not say anything. I feel that I need one. I feel that I'm ugly because I don't have a boyfriend.

Not to long ago I made a BIG mistake and I chatted with a 26 year old man. He started the whole thing. That same day I told my mom and she was disappointed with me. We sat down and talked. I promised my family and God that I will never chat over the Internet.

I kept talking to him because I liked the attention that he was giving me. I liked it because I did not have a boyfriend. I still feel bad about what has happened.